In a better place

It's been a few weeks since my 3rd IVF negative and I'm feeling a little better about it.  We are trying Letrozole this month because I couldn't do another IVF until after Christmas.  It's way less invasive!  Just 5 days of pills and then normal baby making activities with an IUI thrown in for good measure!  I go tomorrow for an ultrasound to see when my IUI will be.  This method is definitely more relaxed and stress free, which is nice because all this stuff has been taking a toll!  I have been actively TTC since July '10 and for the last year, have been doing full on fertility treatments one after the other!  It's getting a bit tiring.  If this IUI doesn't work, I've decided to do one more IVF and then I'm done for awhile.  It's time to get back to living my life.
I've been working out again, which I'm sure helps put me in a better mood.  I even managed to get up and go to the gym this morning before work!  Now, if only I could do that everyday!  I started taking digestive enzymes and trace minerals to help with my ongoing stomach issues and even started limiting my gluten/wheat intake.  I just started the enzymes and minerals yesterday and was not feeling a difference and then today, I went most of the day without stomach pains!  Seriously, this is amazing!  I have had stomach pains for as long as I can remember.  I am so hopeful that I finally found something to help!  And apparently the trace minerals are supposed to give you more energy so maybe that's why I was able to get up and go to the gym this morning?  I'll take it!
Despite being more and more jaded, I am still holding out for a Christmas miracle though!  Who knows, it could happen.

Xmas List

Here's the Christmas List I sent to my husband.  I doubt he'll get any of these things but, 1. He can't say I didn't give him ideas and 2. It's fun to make!

Bad Place

I just got the results from my third IVF cycle yesterday, yet another NEGATIVE!  I really am not in the best place right now.  I have no idea how it can be so hard for some people and so easy for others and quite frankly, I'm pissed about it!  This IVF cycle was with a new doctor and I really thought he could make it happen!  He retrieved 12 eggs, 10 fertilized (which he said was really impressive), 9 kept growing and somehow I ended up with 2 "excellent blastocysts" on Day 5.  Sadly, none of the others were good enough to freeze, but I was still hopeful those 2 "excellent blastocysts" would do the trick!  I was told there was a 50% chance that they would result in one or 2 full term pregnancies and that that was about as good as it got!  Nine days of Crinone, Estradiol, Estrogen patches and Progesterone shots later and I get a voicemail telling me I'm not pregnant and I can stop all my meds!  Again.  Honestly, I'm not sure how many more times I can go through this.  It's trying on so many levels, emotional, physical, mental.  Every month, I do all that is asked of me by the doctors and the nurses, I try to maintain a positive mind set which ultimately leads to me believing it worked and then being let down.  AGAIN.  How much is enough?  How many times do I keep doing the same thing over and over before I realize it's not going to work?
I started this year at a fertility specialist, feeling like this was going to be my year.  And now, this year is almost over and I am at exactly the same place I was when it started only with less money and less hope.  I think I'll finish the year with one more IVF and then I'm done.  If it doesn't work, I gave it my best shot.  I gave it all I had.

Just a quick check in

I've been super busy with work and baby making fun, but I just wanted to check in!  I just went through my second fresh egg retrieval.  Twelve eggs, 10 fertilized, now I just wait to see how strong they grow!  Hoping the third time's the charm!  I love my new doctor and I'm really impressed with the fact that he had me on less meds., but managed to get me more eggs and not overstimulated!  Pretty much love this guy!  A July baby sounds pretty good to me right about now.  I guess we shall see.

Three Year Anniversary!

Today marks 3 years married to my cutie husband!  Tonight we went out for a delicious italian dinner in a town nearby.  And now we're watching the debate.  Romantic.  Here are a few photos of our amazing wedding day by our lovely photographer Alyssa Maloof!

Round three?

Transfer two was a FAIL!  I got that lovely phone call today.  They tricked me because they called me super early so I thought it was good news finally.  Nope.  I cried.  Then I got pissed.  And now I have two appointments with two new fertility doctors.  Plus, I'll be making an appointment for an osteopathic fertility specialist tomorrow!  I feel like 10 months of my time and tears is enough.  Time to see my other options!  Two of the doctors are local and one is in NYC.  I read about Dr. Braverman on A Blog About Love about a month ago.  Of course, I really thought this last transfer would work and i wouldn't need this info. buuuttt, I was wrong!  I requested a consult via his website this morning and he called me this afternoon!  I mean, the doctor HIMSELF called me this afternoon!  Not only was it a quick response but it was the actual doctor!  I think my doctors have called me MAYBE twice in the last 10 months!  Unfortunately, NYC is a bit away and I'm not even sure if they accept my insurance but I'll just see what happens.  Right now I have an appointment with one of the local doctors Wednesday (thanks to whoever cancelled!) and an appointment with Dr. Braverman on October 30.  I'm trying to stay calm and take things as they come.  If I see the local doctor Wednesday and I like what he has to say and he wants to start me on an IVF cycle right away, I'll probably go for it.  If not, I'll keep my appointment at the end of the month and look into other doctors as well.  Don't want to waste any time!
In the meantime, it's back to the gym tomorrow (I took time off after the transfer to relax and hope for some good news) and some concentration on other things!  Like visiting my brother in Oklahoma in a few weeks!

I'm back!

Ok, so it's been awhile.  I've been busy thinking about blogging but not actually doing it, kinda the story of my life.  Let's see, what's new with me?

1.  I'm still not pregnant.  But, I'm preparing for a FET (frozen embryo transfer) at the end of this month.  I've been on Lupron shots for a few weeks and I just started Estrace and Estrogen patches today!  (I should be a barrel of fun these next few weeks!)  Transfer should be at the end of the month.  I'm also going to try acupuncture this time around.  My first appointment is in about a week.  And I'm going to try meditation as well.  I'm really trying to CALM myself down and think positively.  I'm hoping this works because if not I'll be doing another retrieval and that was NOT FUN.  I'd prefer to never have to do that again!

2.  I'm back at the gym!  Since I'm doing a FET and not a retrieval with stimulants I can still workout like normal.  I started Jamie Eason's 30 day workout from Fitness RX at the beginning of the week.  It was a great week!  I'm lifting heavy and I'm planning to keep lifting heavy until someone tells me I can't anymore.  I've also started tracking my food and I'm just generally trying to get back in shape and build some muscles.

3.  My little brother left for Army National Guard boot camp at the beginning of August.  I'm not happy about it, but respect his decision and I'm proud of him for not being afraid to do what he wants to do!  I still miss him though.  And it'd be nice if his Commander would update the FB page with some photos!  Ha.

4.  I'm toying with the idea of setting a goal to become a fitness model.  It sounds ridiculous just typing it here!  I just think even having that kind of goal would really help with my gym effort/eating.  Believe me, I am in no shape to be a fitness model!  But, I know that if I set the goal and got SERIOUS about my fitness and especially my food, I could be in an entirely different place in 6 months.  Plus, fitness modeling doesn't require you to be 17 or 6', two things I am not!  I think I'll keep the goal in the back of my head and see how the next month goes.  Let's see how much fat I can burn and muscle I can build in 30 days.

On that note, I think it's time to do some cardio.

I need a new scale...

But instead I bought a Nutribullet.  I've been wanting a new blender for quite awhile (I haven't had one for at least a year and the immersion blender my mom bought me for Christmas, isn't so great with frozen fruit) and I just happen to see an infomercial for the Nutribullet and they sold me.  Well kinda.  They sold me on the product but not really on the price so instead I bought it from Bed, Bath and Beyond where it was $20 less plus a 20% coupon and a $50 gift card I got for my wedding shower like three years ago!

I haven't tried it yet (I will tomorrow morning), but I'm pretty excited to use it!  Apparently, it even grinds nuts!  I'm hoping it'll be a budget friendly replacement for the Vitamix I can't afford.

So, it's been awhile since I posted.  Just sort of taking a break.  Recovering from the disappointment of my first failed IVF cycle.  I took a few weeks to just relax and now I'm getting back into the gym trying to lose some of the weight I gained from the hormones and lack of gym from the last 4.5 months.  I did really well this week, even got in a few two a days.  This week the plan is cardio in the morning before work then weights and maybe more cardio at night.  I'm very motivated to lose this extra weight by mid-September.  My next transfer will be around then and I want to be rid of this weight in case the transfer actually works.  I want to be as healthy as possible which is why I invested in the Nutribullet, drinking my spinach in the morning's gotta do something!  Ha.

Pink and grey

Pink and grey by melinda-smith-flynn featuring alexander wang handbags

Mango racerback tank
$28 - mango.com

Black blazer
sheinside.com

J Brand skinny jeans
$330 - jades24.com

Dorothy Perkins black wedge
dorothyperkins.com

Alexander wang handbag
net-a-porter.com

Platinum jewelry
jewelry.1stdibs.com

War

I spent last week on my couch.  When the doctors said I'd just feel a little cramping after my IVF egg retrieval, they lied.  Let's start from the beginning.  Last Saturday, I had my final doctor appointment before trigger shots and then retrieval scheduled for Monday.  Around 10 am, they called to tell me my estrogen was high and I might be at risk for over stimulation, so they called in a prescription for me to help and told me not to worry.  About an hour later I was vomiting.  I called the doctor to tell them and I was told I had two choices.  I could go ahead with the retrieval as planned but I'd have to freeze the embryos and do the transfer in a month or two.  This was not something I wanted to do, especially since the office is closed for "quality control" in July and I have a vacation planned for August which would put me at September for the transfer.  Not cool.  My other option was to hold off a night on the trigger, see the doctor in the morning (on a Sunday) and see if my estrogen came down at all to do a retrieval on Tuesday and hopefully transfer a few days later.  I chose this option and hung up with the doctor.  She called me back 5 minutes later to tell me she called me in a prescription for the nausea and that she did not recommend option 2 (why give it to me then?!) for fear that my eggs will start to die off from coasting (no more hormones to keep them growing) and I'll lose the whole cycle.  I was pretty bummed, but I'd rather at least have something to freeze than nothing at all.  And I was still hopeful that it could all work out and I'd still be able to transfer.  Technically, there'd be almost a week between retrieval and transfer for me to get better, right?

Monday, I went in for the retrieval.  Got there and they set me up with an IV in my wrist (first time for that spot!) for the anesthesia.  Maybe 15 minutes later I was in the procedure room and was being told to let them know when I was feeling the good stuff, next thing I know I was being told it was over and to move over to a gurney.  I was rolled into recovery and eventually met by my husband.  I must have been falling in and out of sleep though because it felt like I was only in there 15 minutes before they said it was okay for me to leave but my husband says I was in there for over an hour.  I got up from the bed and immediately felt nauseous and started sweating.  Luckily, it didn't last long though and I didn't puke on the floor.  We went home and I dozed in and out on the way.

My wrist IV

Once home, I settled in on the couch and fell back to sleep.  I was in a lot of pain, but I was sure it would pass soon.  I was wrong.  I could not stand up without help, I could barely walk to the bathroom.  It was awful.  I barely slept at night.  There was just no way to get comfortable and the Tylenol I was allowed to take for pain was not cutting it.

I planned to work from home Tuesday and get back to work Wednesday.  That didn't happen.  I couldn't work from home on Tuesday, balancing a laptop on my lap or bending forward to use it on a table was just not an option.  I did work from home Wednesday and Thursday and started to finally feel a little better Thursday night.  I'm not kidding when I say it felt like someone sliced every one of my stomach muscles and broke my ribs.  And I've been through 2 kidney stones, 2 ruptured cysts, various leg and foot surgeries, this pain was serious!

Throughout the week, I got calls each day from the embryologist updating me on my 10 eggs.  I started with 26 follicles, ended up with 10 eggs (some of the follicles were empty and some were actually cysts), 9 eggs fertilized.  All 9 split twice and then 2 took the lead and the other 7 started to lag behind.  I got the call Thursday saying my transfer would be the next day (yay, no waiting!).  I drank my 18 oz. of water prior and went in ready to go.  Only, I apparently didn't drink enough so they made me drink more water and said they 'd be back in 20 minutes.  About an hour later they returned and I felt like I was going to burst!  The transfer is not painful just uncomfortable because your bladder is so full and they are all up in there with a clamp and a syringe and the they're using the ultrasound thing on your full stomach.  It was pretty cool watching them release the embryos (we transferred 2) on the monitor.

All my boys keeping me company on the couch (and the laundry)

Wiley peeking at me from behind my pillow

So, now we wait.  We transferred 2 embryos and ended up with 4 good enough to freeze.  We are very hopeful that we'll have some good news very soon!  I feel like these last 2 years have been a war and I'm ready for some good things!

My friend's five year old daughter started talking to me about the baby in my belly on Monday, I was totally caught off guard.  And then a few more times that evening she would say something about me being pregnant.  They say kids know these things, so we'll see!  The funny part was, when I asked her if I was having a boy or girl she responded with, "I don't know!"  Like it was the craziest thing I ever asked her.  Ha.  I guess she doesn't know everything!  But let's hope she's right about one thing!

I do love watches.

I've always liked watches, and I tend to like "guy" watches better than "girl" watches.  Does anybody remember the watch Angelina Jolie used to wear with the big leather band?  I had that watch.  I also had a hot pink version.  More recently, I've fallen for Michael Kors watches.  I started with a "girl" silver MK watch and then I discovered that I could wear the "boy" ones!  Last year, Nordstrom's was having a sale and I bought a silver men's watch with a black face and red accents.  I liked that it was a little different than all the others.  This year, Nordstrom's was having the same sale and I just couldn't resist.  I bought two more watches!

Buy

Buy

The first watch is a little heavier and what I like to call "rugged", the second is rose gold but I like that it's a little different with the grey face.  Each watch was a little on the expensive side, but I pretty much got two for the price of one not on sale.  Plus, I had birthday money I saved.  A lot of people think it's crazy to spend a lot of money on a watch, but it's something you wear everyday!  And remember, I didn't pay full price!

IVF in the works.

I suppose it's unusual for me to talk about my infertility issues, but I'm kind of to the point where I just don't care anymore.  It's a huge part of my life right now, a way bigger part than I'd like it to be.  One miscarriage, 4 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUIs and now onto IVF (In-vitro Fertilization), this is not how I expected my road to a baby to go.  But, I'd be lying if I said my life has ever been easy.  So, fine, we'll do it the hard way.
I had my "next step consult" a few weeks ago.  I made the appointment a few weeks prior when I still wasn't sure I'd need it (if the third IUI worked, I wouldn't) because I didn't want to waste any time or be told I'd have to skip a cycle due to everything being so time sensitive.  It ended up that my appointment landed on Day 1 of my cycle (TMI, maybe? ha) and I was very eager to get the process started.  I was not happy when the doctor told me I wouldn't be able to start this cycle.  The next day I decided to contact another doctor, if I had a month to wait, I may as well look into my options.  Especially because I hadn't been too happy with my experience so far.  The doctors are okay, but some of the staff leaves something to be desired and there have been a few times where I've felt like they don't really care about me or my quest to get pregnant.  The staff can lack compassion sometimes which is odd considering what the subject matter is.  A bunch of women trying to have babies unsuccessfully for at least a year, usually filled with hormones!  They need a little love!
I called and made an appointment with another doctor and then requested my files from my doctor.  Funny how the next day I got a call saying I'd be starting IVF this cycle!  I've been on birth control since last Saturday, that will be over Jan. 2 and then I'll start on shots.  I'll go in for surgery to retrieve all my eggs (hopefully there will be a lot) mid to late June.  And then we'll see what happens!
I went in for my second meeting on IVF last Wednesday.  I went a lone because my husband had to work.  I didn' think it would be a big deal.  I was wrong.  Midway through the meeting I was asked how I'd feel about terminating a pregnancy if say we transferred 3 embryos (this is unlikely because multiples freak me out slightly) and I ended up pregnant with triplets but one wasn't doing well.  Would I be okay, at 11 weeks with terminating the one that wasn't doing well?    I was not expecting this question.  NOT AT ALL.  And between the stress, the hormones, and the heavy subject matter of the question, I lost it.  I got hysterical in the doctor's office.  Total mess.  Eleven weeks is very close to the 12 week mark when we're all told is the point where pregnancy viability gets a lot safer.  I'm still not sure what I'd do.  But, I'm hoping I never have to actually make that decision.  One, MAYBE two babies is the goal!  Healthy, that's what matters most.
I saw this blog post tonight and really think when I do finally have that baby, I'd love a photographer in the room.  Those photos are just one in a lifetime!  Maybe I'll see how much my wedding photographer would charge?  Probably a fortune, but we'll see.  Gotta get there first!

Life On Hold

I feel like my life is on hold right now.  My whole life basically revolves around trying to have a baby right now, between the shots and the blood work and the ultrasounds every other day and then the waiting to see if it worked and then when it doesn't work waiting to try it all again.  I was thinking tonight about going on a vacation with my husband.  It's been a couple of years since we had a real vacation together (frankly, Knoebels doesn't count and actually was only something I started because I thought we'd have a baby by now).  I want to go to Mexico or Greece, anywhere that requires a bathing suit and a passport.  But, I can't plan vacation when I have to be at the doctor so often and so I wait until I am pregnant, but at this rate, who knows when or even if that is going to happen?!  I could take a break from trying to get pregnant for a little while, but I feel like that would be bad idea since I have the insurance right now and there's no guarantee I'll have my current job forever.  I would not be a happy camper if I didn't take advantage of my current insurance and then lost the opportunity!  So instead, I'll keep going.  I'll put the rest of my life on hold, (I can't even go to the gym!), and move on to the next step of IVF.  I'm not happy about it, but I am grateful that at least I have insurance that covers it.  And maybe I can go on vacation next summer!

What to Expect When You're Expecting...the movie

I'm a girl who likes to go to the movies.  There are some periods of time where my husband and I go every week.  We live about 5 minutes from a theater that only charges $5.50 (used to be $5) for the first showing of any movie so we roll out of bed on Sundays and go to the movies.  We can actually leave when it's supposed to be starting and get there in time for previews!  My mom likes to say I see movies based on who is acting in them not necessarily what they are about.  This might be true.  Either way, I see a lot of movies.
One movie I want to see is "What to Expect When You're Expecting", but I'm not going to lie, I'm not sure if it's a good idea.  If I weren't trying to get pregnant (for so long), I'd see it no problem or if I was already pregnant, I'd see it of course.  But, since I'm not pregnant (that I know of yet) I might end up spending the whole movie crying.  And let's be honest, I've been doing enough of that lately with all the hormones.
It does look like a good movie though, I like the ensemble casts in a movie ala "New Year's Eve" and "Valentine's Day".  I saw a preview for it the other day and Elizabeth Banks' character's phone was going off because she was ovulating and she jumped on her husband.  I can definitely relate to being hyper aware of things like ovulation (and using phone apps to track it)!  I also like the scene where Brooklyn Decker's character sneezes and out pops her baby!  Ha, a girl can dream!

                                                                  In theaters May 18!

Third Time's the Charm?!

Today was the day for my third (and final) IUI.  If it works, my husband and I will have a baby at the end of January and if it doesn't, we'll be moving on to IVF.  There were a few things that were different about this IUI than the others.

1. My husband had to work so I went alone this time.
2. We had the highest amount of swimmers and motility this time.
3. The room they did it in was different.
4. They left me with my legs up longer this time.
5. They are starting me on Progesterone earlier in the process.  The last two times they started me after my one week ultrasound, this time I'll be starting in 3 days.

Is this where the magic happened?

I'm hoping the next two weeks don't totally drag.  And I'm really hoping one of those 37 million sperm finds their destination.  I've been sitting with me feet up all day and trying to relax.  Those suckers better swim!

Needles and hormones

If you read my blog, or know me in person, you probably know that I'm going through fertility treatments.  Believe me, I never thought I'd be considering IVF (invitro fertilization) but things don't always work out like we plan!  When my husband and I first decided to expand our little family, we had no idea the journey we were in for.  It's been almost 2 years, 1 miscarriage, 4 rounds of Clomid and we are now on our third round of IUI (intrauterine insemination) with shots.  If this last attempt doesn't work, we will be moving on to IVF.
The first round of IUI, I was so optimistic, why wouldn't it work?  Especially since the doctors have pegged me with "unexplained infertility".  But, it didn't work.  Luckily, we jumped right into round 2 and sped up the process a little.  But, that didn't work either.  So now, I'm on round 3, three vials of Bravelle a night at this point and another doctor appointment tomorrow before work.
I have to say, it's really starting to take its toll on me mentally and physically.  I'm lucky enough to be producing a lot of follicles, but that's causing my ovaries to become enlarged, which is uncomfortable bordering on painful.  Not to mention, I've gained a ton of weight since I've started with the shots.  I have not actually weighed myself, but my stomach has gotten huge and none of my pants fit me.  It's not fun.  I could really do without this lovely side effect!  On top of that, I'm not allowed to go to the gym.  I can't risk, jostling things or even worse, twisting or flipping an ovary (who even knew this was possible?!), so I have to avoid the gym.  Also, I am so emotional!  I almost started crying at work the other day while talking to a co-worker and just tonight I started crying for no reason.  I have no idea why, I was just reading my blog roll and I started to cry!
I really can't wait for this all to be over.  I'm ready for that baby and I'm also ready to stop putting my body through these things!  Hopefully, the third time's the charm!

I get to stick one of these suckers in my leg every night!

The bill is what?!

Just last night, my husband and I were talking about being better with grocery shopping.  Setting a budget and sticking to it.  Planning our meals before we go shopping.  And then today I stopped at Whole Foods for prenatal vitamins.  I ended up leaving without the vitamins (they are cheaper on Amazon) but still spending $72.59 on a bag and half of groceries.  

I bought:

Brown rice shrimp california roll  (dinner)

Brown rice tuna avocado roll (dinner)

Baby mixed kale

2 yams

2 cookies

4  organic avocados

Jason's Vitamin E face creme

Organic cilantro

Organic strawberries

Skirt steak (Just local, not grass fed.  That was more $$)

365 organic milk

Zico coconut water

4 PB pretzel luna bars

Organic eggs

That's it!  I think it's the most I've ever spent for the amount of food I got.  Granted, the face lotion was $12.  But still!  This really reiterates the fact that we need to set a budget for food and have a plan before we walk into the store.  My problems are these:

1. I shop at Trader Joe's, Wegman's, Whole Foods, Target and Shop Rite.  This kind of blurs how much money you spend per week.  But, I really need to start settling for other brands or foods and stop going to 5 stores a week!  Not to mention the time I'd be saving!

2. I try to buy a lot of organic and foods with better ingredients.  Sometimes this doesn't happen for cheap, actually most of the time.  I know I could just go somewhere like Produce Junction and get a bulk of produce for super cheap, but last time I checked, that stuff is not organic.  And right now, with the whole trying to get pregnant thing, it's very important to me the quality of the food I put into my body.

So, I guess this means I need to plan, plan, plan and search for deals.  Also, I'm thinking I might need to simplify my meals and keep the ingredients to a minimum.  Any ideas?  

Preparation

I spent the first two days of my weekend on my couch, I literally didn't leave except to get dog food and that took about 15 minutes.  So, in an attempt to redeem myself (and because we had no Easter plans) I prepared a bunch of food for the week.  This way I was being productive and getting ready for my healthy week.

pasta salad made with TJ's radiatore pasta

quinoa with peas and roasted carrots

black beans, corn, peppers, tomatoes and avocado salad

guacamole (this was just a snack)

New blog love

Today I was perusing Pinterest and clicked on a makeup photo which led me to a new blog called The Honeybee!  I've been reading it on and off all day and I've come away with two thoughts.  1. I would like an Alexander Wang Rocco bag with rose gold hardware and 2.  I hope when I'm nine months pregnant I can look like Andee, but seeing as how my butt is already bigger than hers, it's not likely.  I kinda feel like I should go on a starvation diet in the next few weeks before I find out if the second IUI worked.  Of course, I realize this is unhealthy, so instead I'm cutting back on the meat, sweets and dairy.  I actually made this decision before seeing Andee 9 months pregnant but I have to admit, it's an extra push.  In preparation, I watched 'Food Inc.' again today.  Just to gross myself out a little more about the state of our food.  So the goals are these:

1.  Juice every day.  I have a very expensive juicer that I rarely use.
2.  Eat less meat and more vegetables and grains.
3.  Cut out the added sugar, specifically in things like cookies and cupcakes.
4.  Cut out dairy.  Or at least cut back.  I don't consume a ton of dairy, but I do like cheese on my tacos and in my salads.  Oh and I'm also a fan of sour cream on my tacos.  I eat a lot of tacos.

I have to say that I have a tire around my waist that I'm not a fan of and I have awful skin (or really it's just my chin area) and while neither of these things are being helped by the hormone shots I've been giving myself, the shots are also not the main cause.  I can stand to eat better, especially since I'm forbidden from going to the gym these days.  No jostling things.  The spin bike in my living room is starting to collect dust.  I might try to do some slow steady state though.  I'm just afraid to hurt anything.  No jostling.

Plastic and twins

More and more I'm hearing about BPA in plastic being harmful to your health.  I've read that it's a hormone disruptor, which could be a problem if someone is trying to get pregnant and today while sitting in the waiting room of the fertility clinic I read an article about it making you fat.  Any way you look at it, it doesn't seem like it's helpful.  So, I've been making a conscious effort to use less plastic.  I started by getting rid of my Smartwater bottle that I constantly REFILL.  Apparently, that is one of the worst things I could be doing!  And today I purchased glass pitchers at Crate & Barrel to replace the plastic pitcher I've been using to make iced tea in for the last 6 years (since we moved in this house) and I bought a Lifefactory glass water bottle to replace that Smartwater bottle.  I'm going to miss the sport cap, but I guess I'll get over it.

From Crate & Barrel

Lifefactory

While I was at Crate and Barrel I met my twin.  We didn't look alike but based on our conversation we had an eerie amount in common.  As soon as I said I was looking for glass pitchers she said, "Oh yeah, plastic is bad for you."  Most of the time people just think I'm nuts when I talk about something to do with the environment or chemicals or the food I eat.  We proceeded to have a conversation ranging from kale, to quinoa (which she pronounced correctly), to Chickfila (she shares my love and also appreciates that they are closed on Sundays).  She happened to be pregnant and we got on that topic so I shared that the reason I was looking into glass because of BPA being a possible cause for infertility.  I then told her a little about my experience and she said she'd pray for me and then told me about the medal she wore around her neck, Saint Gerard the Patron Saint of Motherhood.  I resisted my crazy and did not tell her we should be friends.  But I wish we were.  It was just so weird how much we seemed to have in common.  She even said she didn't own a microwave (we own one, but it's in the basement and we rarely use it)!  I mean, come on, we should totally be BFF!  No?

I want a new bed.

Let's start with a little history.  In my apartment in college I had a bed handed down to me from my aunt, she told me it was full size so when my now husband I moved into our first apartment together and decided to buy a new bed, we figured what we had was big enough, so why go bigger?  And so we bought another full size.  Well, turns out what I had before was a queen size bed and we became aware of that quickly when we got our new bed!  It was definitely smaller!  But, it was too late to do anything about it, so we just lived with it.  But, once we had it for four or five years (and have moved it from our apartment to our house) we decided to upgrade.  A family member was selling their queen size mattress and box spring for just $200!  Steal, right?  Especially since they said no one ever really slept on it.  Haha, just because they are family, don't think they won't lie!  Even once we saw it with no sheets we knew they weren't telling the truth.  It looked used and then after we slept on it, we knew it was definitely used often!  But, we'd already bought it and a queen size bed from Ikea, so there was no turning back.  We've now had that mattress for about a year and quite frankly, I'm over it!  My back constantly hurts and the bed is so saggy.  So now I'm trying to talk my husband into this mattress.

C2 Classic Queen by Sleep Number

You're probably thinking, aren't they expensive?  I thought so too.  But, my mom has one and she recently bought my sister one and they both love them.  Plus, the C2 is the cheapest and it's on sale now for $699.  That's a normal mattress price.  I don't need the top of the line, I just need my back to not hurt anymore.  Unfortunately, the free shipping ends tomorrow and I'm not sure about the Semi Annual sale, but I'm sure it's soon.  So, we need to make a decision and my husband is always working so there aren't that many opportunities to go.  I'm hoping we can check them out tomorrow though!  My back needs it!

Miracles and Clean Rooms!

Friday was my IUI.  Now we just wait and see.  We're staying positive about it though!  But we thought since we are waiting for a baby we should make room for one.  So, we cleaned out the spare bedroom which has mostly been to hold extra crap and wedding stuff (yes, we got married in 2009), it had a brief use as a guest room for a couple days last year, but went right back to being a mess after.  No really, it was a mess.

 Before

After!

Of course, a few things still need to be done before a baby can go in there, but it's come a long way in a few shorts hours!  I mean, you can see the floor, that's gotta be good.  That bear on the futon was given to me by my now husband back when we were in college.  That's perfect for a baby room!

While cleaning out this room, I found a few things!  A $50 gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond from our shower.  Seriously.  A little tin box with letters from high school.  And a few random photos.

On the left we have my little brother, he was like 4, he's almost 18 now.  And on the right is me, my mom, and dad.  This is the last photo of us together.  Memories!

We're hoping to make some new memories in that spare bedroom, I'm thinking late nights and early mornings with a beautiful baby.  Until then, I think I'll be doing some yoga and reading in that room.  I'm hoping it's prenatal yoga, and "What to Expect When You're Expecting" reading though.  :)

Kind of love this...

After the birth, what a family needs

Babies on the brain

With being in the process of IUI (intrauterine insemination for those not lucky enough to have experience with infertility!), I definitely have babies on the brain!  I've already decided on the nursery color (grey, of course), we've agreed on a boy name (which means we'll probably end up with a girl, since we can't agree on a girl name), and I've even started adding things to my Amazon wish list for baby (is that weird?).  I just happened to be looking at strollers on Target.com and I saw these strollers that made me laugh.

Peg Perego Aria Twin Stroller

Peg Perego Triplette Stroller

Twins are 25% more likely with IUI and triplets are less than 5% more likely!  Twins I can handle (hopefully) but anything more and I'm not sure I could handle it.  Of course, you handle what you have to, but I'm small and I have bad balance so I'm not sure my body could actually carry three (or more) babies at once.  That's not to say, I won't be happy with whatever I get, but I'm really just aiming for one!  Something more like this.

Mia Moda Energi Stroller

Cookies and other sweets

It's Sunday night so why not make some cookies?!  I decided to try a few new recipes I found online.  First, I baked some chocolate chip oat protein nuggets and then I rolled up some raw vegan chocolate chip cookie dough balls.  I almost forgot the peanut butter for the nuggets, I had them on the cookie sheet ready to go in the oven when I remembered!  I added protein powder to the dough balls and used actual chocolate chips.  I'm not vegan, so I used what I had.  The dough balls didn't stay together too easily either, maybe because of the protein powder, but I doubt it.  Both are pretty good, different than what I'm used to, but will definitely hit the spot when I'm looking for a sweet treat!  

Yesterday, I met up with an old friend who was doing me a favor.  As a thank you, I brought her coffee and baked a cake.  I had seen this chocolate peanut butter fun cake in my latest Bon Appetit magazine and really wanted to make it!  I didn't realize it at first, but the cake itself was vegan.  The peanut butter icing was not, however.  Either way, it was delicious!  I think my friend would agree.

I guess it was a pretty good weekend for baking!  I didn't even have any plans to bake when I left work Friday.  Funny how what you set out to do and what you actually do are usually so far from each other!

Feeling Guilty

Last week I posted about getting back on track with Livefit but unfortunately, that didn't happen.  I started shots for IUI and found out that I needed to keep the physical activity to a minimum.  I've been waiting too long to be ruin my chances so I can go to the gym, so I stayed home and tried to relax.  I feel guilty about it, but I have to think about what's most important right now.  What's important right now is giving myself shots every night at 10 pm, going for ultrasounds and blood work every other morning before work and putting all my positive energy into making this WORK.  I want this to be a one time thing.  I want to make sure that this year for my birthday, I'm getting good news and not bad.
In other news, I finally finished my personal training certification.  It only took me 2.5 years!  It's such a load off my shoulders!  Of course, I have no idea what I'm going to do with it, but I'm just glad I got it!  I'd love to use it to help me get into writing for magazines etc.  We shall see.

My life right now

Today is Sunday and I'm getting ready for the week.  I've fallen off the fitness train the last few weeks, but I plan to jump back on tomorrow!  I have a lot going on right now, but I'm hoping to pull it all together and start getting things done!

The photo kind of sums up my life right now.  I just ordered a bunch of stuff from bodybuilding.com, I bought new lifting gloves (on clearance at Target!), then there's my prenatal gummy vitamins and the sharps container to hold all my discarded meds stuff for the IUI I just started.  See, on one side I'm trying to take control of my body and transform it into something I love and on the other side, I'm letting medicine take it over and help me create something I've been having trouble creating on my own (with my husband) not matter how much love I have for it.  So, like I said, a lot going on.  Part of me, doesn't want to push too hard in the gym, for fear that it will hurt my chances of getting pregnant, but I also want to make sure I'm healthy enough to create and carry a healthy baby for 40 weeks.  I go back to the doctor on Tuesday (blood work and ultrasounds every other day for about a week and a half!) so hopefully I'll see a doctor for more than 3 minutes this time and get a chance to ask about the weight lifting.  Until then, I'm starting Livefit back up tomorrow (I should be at week 10, but I think I'm going to start with week 8 since I've been off a few weeks) and I'm going to keep my weights on the lighter side for now.  I'm thinking heavy weights won't actually hurt until I'm pregnant, but I don't want to take any chances!

I gave myself my first shot last night and let me tell you, that video could stand to go a little slower!  I had to keep rewinding.  I'm pretty sure I lost some of the medicine trying to get an air bubble out and I'm pretty sure the air bubble never got out.  But, I'm still alive so, I guess I didn't screw up too much.  I'm hoping it gets easier!  The actual shot barely hurt.  I'm used to needles, spent more time than most in a hospital, but I still wasn't sure about giving myself shots.  Definitely not as bad as giving yourself a bikini wax!  :)

Crap day

I gotta be honest, today kinda blew.  I'm not pregnant, again, so now I have to start IUI in a few days.  I was REALLY hoping that even though I already paid for the medicine (and it's living in my refrigerator currently) that I'd be pleasantly surprised this month and just BAM, get pregnant the old fashioned way!  Guess not.  So, once I realized this, my mood took a plunge today.  I almost had a total fit at Wegman's tonight because they didn't have everything bagels and then I watched a guy take the last 8 slice pork roll (I like my pork roll thin) and almost really started to cry.  Luckily, I spotted an 8 slice shoved in with 4 slices. I realize that these things don't matter, but I was already in a crap mood so these things just seemed that much worse!
If I have to look on the bright side, the monthly visitor came a day early this month, so I get to start IUI earlier, which means I will hopefully be pregnant sooner!  Ha.  The sooner the better, it's getting close to two years people!  Did I also mention that I would find out if the IUI works right around my birthday?  Considering last year, I had a miscarriage a week before my birthday and two ruptured cysts, getting good news this year I think is not too much to ask!  I might even end up with twins!  That would be crazy.

Failing

The last two weeks I have been pretty much failing at the whole Livefit thing.  Life is just getting in the way.  Plus, I weighed myself for the first time since week one (now technically on week 7) and I GAINED weight.  Not cool.  It put me off.  But, I'm going to get back on track!  I just ordered a crap load of protein from bodybuilding.com as well as, BCAAs and omega 3s.  I got Whey protein in vanilla and chocolate for day and slow release casein in chocolate cake batter for night/sleeping.
I should also say that I bought a bikini the other day, so there's no choice!  I either need to get a flat stomach or a baby bump, because fat stomach doesn't work with bikinis.  I'd show you a picture, but there doesn't seem to be one on Target's website and not a chance in hell I'm taking a picture in it yet!  Will you settle for a description?  It's pink and grey stripes, triangle top and bikini bottom.  The thing that really sold me was it's made of t-shirt material!  Super cute!

NYC with a friend!

One of my closest friends since Middle School has been living in Cambridge, MA for a few years now and I got to see her again, after almost a year.  She was in NYC because her husband had a job interview, so we met up and I got to spend some time with her and her cutie son!  He's a little boy now, no longer a baby like last time I saw him!

Here's the day in photos:

Breakfast for $4.25!  Can we say "bacon"?

Flirting with me after his nap!

Caramel Macchiato!

Art at the MET.  The Kiki Smith was my favorite.

Me and Ana

Me, Ana and Rafi!

Me and Rafi

Crumbs Cupcakes!  Red Velvet and Fluff n' Stuff.

It was a pretty awesome day and quite frankly exactly what I needed!  I've been so stressed lately with this whole trying to get pregnant thing, between the doctors and the insurance and the clearly incompetent people I've been dealing with, it was great to just relax and have fun for a day!