Vacation!

It's been a rough couple of years and luckily my husband finally sees that we need a vacation!  We haven't gone on vacation together in probably two years.  And it's time to put baby making on the back burner and concentrate on something other than medication, cycle days and egg counts!  I haven't booked anything officially yet, but I'm thinking very seriously about staying at Secrets Capri Riviera Maya.  I've heard great things about this resort!  It's probably a little more than I really want to spend, but honestly, I think we deserve it!

Secrets Capri Riviera Maya

We'll be going on vacation the last week in May, so that's about 3 months to get in bikini shape!  Ha.  No seriously, I need to lose some pounds and tighten a few things!  Things have gone DOWN HILL the last couple years.  My goal is to be able to wear a bikini constantly in Mexico and NOT feel uncomfortable.  My next post (in an attempt to actually update this blog) will be on vacation attire!  Bikinis, sundresses, and sandals!

I also have a few other things I'm working on and I'll post about those soon!

In a better place

It's been a few weeks since my 3rd IVF negative and I'm feeling a little better about it.  We are trying Letrozole this month because I couldn't do another IVF until after Christmas.  It's way less invasive!  Just 5 days of pills and then normal baby making activities with an IUI thrown in for good measure!  I go tomorrow for an ultrasound to see when my IUI will be.  This method is definitely more relaxed and stress free, which is nice because all this stuff has been taking a toll!  I have been actively TTC since July '10 and for the last year, have been doing full on fertility treatments one after the other!  It's getting a bit tiring.  If this IUI doesn't work, I've decided to do one more IVF and then I'm done for awhile.  It's time to get back to living my life.
I've been working out again, which I'm sure helps put me in a better mood.  I even managed to get up and go to the gym this morning before work!  Now, if only I could do that everyday!  I started taking digestive enzymes and trace minerals to help with my ongoing stomach issues and even started limiting my gluten/wheat intake.  I just started the enzymes and minerals yesterday and was not feeling a difference and then today, I went most of the day without stomach pains!  Seriously, this is amazing!  I have had stomach pains for as long as I can remember.  I am so hopeful that I finally found something to help!  And apparently the trace minerals are supposed to give you more energy so maybe that's why I was able to get up and go to the gym this morning?  I'll take it!
Despite being more and more jaded, I am still holding out for a Christmas miracle though!  Who knows, it could happen.

Xmas List

Here's the Christmas List I sent to my husband.  I doubt he'll get any of these things but, 1. He can't say I didn't give him ideas and 2. It's fun to make!

Bad Place

I just got the results from my third IVF cycle yesterday, yet another NEGATIVE!  I really am not in the best place right now.  I have no idea how it can be so hard for some people and so easy for others and quite frankly, I'm pissed about it!  This IVF cycle was with a new doctor and I really thought he could make it happen!  He retrieved 12 eggs, 10 fertilized (which he said was really impressive), 9 kept growing and somehow I ended up with 2 "excellent blastocysts" on Day 5.  Sadly, none of the others were good enough to freeze, but I was still hopeful those 2 "excellent blastocysts" would do the trick!  I was told there was a 50% chance that they would result in one or 2 full term pregnancies and that that was about as good as it got!  Nine days of Crinone, Estradiol, Estrogen patches and Progesterone shots later and I get a voicemail telling me I'm not pregnant and I can stop all my meds!  Again.  Honestly, I'm not sure how many more times I can go through this.  It's trying on so many levels, emotional, physical, mental.  Every month, I do all that is asked of me by the doctors and the nurses, I try to maintain a positive mind set which ultimately leads to me believing it worked and then being let down.  AGAIN.  How much is enough?  How many times do I keep doing the same thing over and over before I realize it's not going to work?
I started this year at a fertility specialist, feeling like this was going to be my year.  And now, this year is almost over and I am at exactly the same place I was when it started only with less money and less hope.  I think I'll finish the year with one more IVF and then I'm done.  If it doesn't work, I gave it my best shot.  I gave it all I had.

Just a quick check in

I've been super busy with work and baby making fun, but I just wanted to check in!  I just went through my second fresh egg retrieval.  Twelve eggs, 10 fertilized, now I just wait to see how strong they grow!  Hoping the third time's the charm!  I love my new doctor and I'm really impressed with the fact that he had me on less meds., but managed to get me more eggs and not overstimulated!  Pretty much love this guy!  A July baby sounds pretty good to me right about now.  I guess we shall see.

Three Year Anniversary!

Today marks 3 years married to my cutie husband!  Tonight we went out for a delicious italian dinner in a town nearby.  And now we're watching the debate.  Romantic.  Here are a few photos of our amazing wedding day by our lovely photographer Alyssa Maloof!

Round three?

Transfer two was a FAIL!  I got that lovely phone call today.  They tricked me because they called me super early so I thought it was good news finally.  Nope.  I cried.  Then I got pissed.  And now I have two appointments with two new fertility doctors.  Plus, I'll be making an appointment for an osteopathic fertility specialist tomorrow!  I feel like 10 months of my time and tears is enough.  Time to see my other options!  Two of the doctors are local and one is in NYC.  I read about Dr. Braverman on A Blog About Love about a month ago.  Of course, I really thought this last transfer would work and i wouldn't need this info. buuuttt, I was wrong!  I requested a consult via his website this morning and he called me this afternoon!  I mean, the doctor HIMSELF called me this afternoon!  Not only was it a quick response but it was the actual doctor!  I think my doctors have called me MAYBE twice in the last 10 months!  Unfortunately, NYC is a bit away and I'm not even sure if they accept my insurance but I'll just see what happens.  Right now I have an appointment with one of the local doctors Wednesday (thanks to whoever cancelled!) and an appointment with Dr. Braverman on October 30.  I'm trying to stay calm and take things as they come.  If I see the local doctor Wednesday and I like what he has to say and he wants to start me on an IVF cycle right away, I'll probably go for it.  If not, I'll keep my appointment at the end of the month and look into other doctors as well.  Don't want to waste any time!
In the meantime, it's back to the gym tomorrow (I took time off after the transfer to relax and hope for some good news) and some concentration on other things!  Like visiting my brother in Oklahoma in a few weeks!