Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Bad Place

I just got the results from my third IVF cycle yesterday, yet another NEGATIVE!  I really am not in the best place right now.  I have no idea how it can be so hard for some people and so easy for others and quite frankly, I'm pissed about it!  This IVF cycle was with a new doctor and I really thought he could make it happen!  He retrieved 12 eggs, 10 fertilized (which he said was really impressive), 9 kept growing and somehow I ended up with 2 "excellent blastocysts" on Day 5.  Sadly, none of the others were good enough to freeze, but I was still hopeful those 2 "excellent blastocysts" would do the trick!  I was told there was a 50% chance that they would result in one or 2 full term pregnancies and that that was about as good as it got!  Nine days of Crinone, Estradiol, Estrogen patches and Progesterone shots later and I get a voicemail telling me I'm not pregnant and I can stop all my meds!  Again.  Honestly, I'm not sure how many more times I can go through this.  It's trying on so many levels, emotional, physical, mental.  Every month, I do all that is asked of me by the doctors and the nurses, I try to maintain a positive mind set which ultimately leads to me believing it worked and then being let down.  AGAIN.  How much is enough?  How many times do I keep doing the same thing over and over before I realize it's not going to work?
I started this year at a fertility specialist, feeling like this was going to be my year.  And now, this year is almost over and I am at exactly the same place I was when it started only with less money and less hope.  I think I'll finish the year with one more IVF and then I'm done.  If it doesn't work, I gave it my best shot.  I gave it all I had.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Just a quick check in

I've been super busy with work and baby making fun, but I just wanted to check in!  I just went through my second fresh egg retrieval.  Twelve eggs, 10 fertilized, now I just wait to see how strong they grow!  Hoping the third time's the charm!  I love my new doctor and I'm really impressed with the fact that he had me on less meds., but managed to get me more eggs and not overstimulated!  Pretty much love this guy!  A July baby sounds pretty good to me right about now.  I guess we shall see.