I suppose it's unusual for me to talk about my infertility issues, but I'm kind of to the point where I just don't care anymore. It's a huge part of my life right now, a way bigger part than I'd like it to be. One miscarriage, 4 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUIs and now onto IVF (In-vitro Fertilization), this is not how I expected my road to a baby to go. But, I'd be lying if I said my life has ever been easy. So, fine, we'll do it the hard way.
I had my "next step consult" a few weeks ago. I made the appointment a few weeks prior when I still wasn't sure I'd need it (if the third IUI worked, I wouldn't) because I didn't want to waste any time or be told I'd have to skip a cycle due to everything being so time sensitive. It ended up that my appointment landed on Day 1 of my cycle (TMI, maybe? ha) and I was very eager to get the process started. I was not happy when the doctor told me I wouldn't be able to start this cycle. The next day I decided to contact another doctor, if I had a month to wait, I may as well look into my options. Especially because I hadn't been too happy with my experience so far. The doctors are okay, but some of the staff leaves something to be desired and there have been a few times where I've felt like they don't really care about me or my quest to get pregnant. The staff can lack compassion sometimes which is odd considering what the subject matter is. A bunch of women trying to have babies unsuccessfully for at least a year, usually filled with hormones! They need a little love!
I called and made an appointment with another doctor and then requested my files from my doctor. Funny how the next day I got a call saying I'd be starting IVF this cycle! I've been on birth control since last Saturday, that will be over Jan. 2 and then I'll start on shots. I'll go in for surgery to retrieve all my eggs (hopefully there will be a lot) mid to late June. And then we'll see what happens!
I went in for my second meeting on IVF last Wednesday. I went a lone because my husband had to work. I didn' think it would be a big deal. I was wrong. Midway through the meeting I was asked how I'd feel about terminating a pregnancy if say we transferred 3 embryos (this is unlikely because multiples freak me out slightly) and I ended up pregnant with triplets but one wasn't doing well. Would I be okay, at 11 weeks with terminating the one that wasn't doing well? I was not expecting this question. NOT AT ALL. And between the stress, the hormones, and the heavy subject matter of the question, I lost it. I got hysterical in the doctor's office. Total mess. Eleven weeks is very close to the 12 week mark when we're all told is the point where pregnancy viability gets a lot safer. I'm still not sure what I'd do. But, I'm hoping I never have to actually make that decision. One, MAYBE two babies is the goal! Healthy, that's what matters most.
I saw this blog post tonight and really think when I do finally have that baby, I'd love a photographer in the room. Those photos are just one in a lifetime! Maybe I'll see how much my wedding photographer would charge? Probably a fortune, but we'll see. Gotta get there first!