I've spoken recently about wanting to become more at one with my body with yoga and meditation. Then even more recently, I had another miscarriage. While the whole thing is very sad, the thing I keep coming back to is that I actually got pregnant NATURALLY for the first time ever! This is a big deal. My doctor even called it a miracle. I'm thinking he's the friggin miracle! He basically gave me a 3 month timeframe to get me pregnant and then made it happen! I have been enduring failed fertility treatment after failed fertility treatment for almost four years and this guy comes into my life and puts me on a detox diet, some supplements and does some acupuncture and I get PREGNANT! I was in disbelief leading up to the test. Sure, I obviously hoped he could make it happen, but I hoped the same thing with three other fertility specialists who all swore from the beginning that getting me pregnant would be not hard at all and then failed OVER AND OVER. And this guy was just quietly confident but still never promised anything except to get me healthy. So, even though it didn't quite work out this time, it's like the fire inside of me has been relit! I'll admit, I was starting to waver and I was about to take a real break, even started considering the idea of adoption and then I got pregnant! I firmly believe now, that we have the ability to heal ourselves with diet, exercise, and meditation. I also now think I know what my problems have been all these years. Two problems; inflammation and low progesterone. I was able to fix the inflammation with my diet (even fixed my stomach and skin issues) but since I didn't test very early because I was on vacation and also because I was having a hard time believing that it could be true, I didn't catch the low progesterone early enough. But, I'm on a mission now! I have been kind of ordered to relax for a few months by both my midwife and my holistic D.O. (i.e. miracle worker) and in that time I plan to go back on the detox, go back to the gym, de-stress (stress lowers progesterone) and try to raise my progesterone naturally with supplements and herbs (I also plan to resume my year of fun!). Then, at the end of the summer I will go back to the doctor and get my progesterone checked to see if I am able to raise it naturally and go from there.
So in my new frame of mind I have gotten very interested in people who talk about balancing hormones and overcoming infertility naturally and today I happened upon a website linked in a Goop newsletter (it's been slow at work so I've been catching up on 500 cajillion emails) for Be Hive of Healing (the word "healing" got me to click) and found the video from Fertility Planit with Dr. Habib Sadeghi. These people are saying exactly what I believe! I've only had time to watch two videos, but I plan to go through the site more and hope I can learn even more to help align with my current situation.
I didn't really plan to talk about this miscarriage on here but I've never been one to hold things in and I feel like maybe if more people were honest about miscarriages women wouldn't feel so alone when they have them. I definitely dealt with this one way better than the first one but that doesn't mean that I'm not heartbroken, I'm just not defeated. Maybe my body just wasn't as healthy as it needs to be yet. I will make this happen one day and when I do finally hold my healthy baby in my arms, it will be that much more of a gift!
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