Monday, March 8, 2010

Baby time or not

I've been married for 5 months now (but I should maybe mention that we've been together for 11 years and living together for 5) and I'm pretty sure since the day of the wedding people have been asking us when we are going to have a baby, especially my mother and who my kidding, my husband!  It's not that I'm against having a baby, not at all, I just keep thinking that I can't decide after the fact that I don't really want a baby, so I want to be really sure.  I describe it like this; I like the idea of having a baby, but I'm not totally sold on parenthood yet.  I mean, once there's a baby my own life goes out the window.  FOREVER.  Not to mention my body, I'm already not that thrilled with it and the idea of it getting bigger and staying bigger does not make me happy.  So, besides trying to get in shape to be a personal trainer, I'm also trying to get in shape so that it won't be so hard to get in back in shape after baby.  But, if I'm being really honest, I'm afraid to get stuck at my job forever if I have a baby now.  I DO NOT want to leave for maternity and have to come back to that job.  I don't even want to be there long enough to get to maternity leave.  Which is why I'm trying to change my job now.  Some days, though, I wonder why we're not having a baby yet.  It doesn't help that I recently got an adorable nephew.  I kinda got the bug since then.

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