We spent the last week at Blue Bay Grand Esmerelda in Riviera Maya and now we're back and bummed. We came back to a heat wave and broken AC, which has made us rather irritable. Plus, I think we had so much expectation of this vacation and then even thought afterwards we'd feel better, but now that we're back we realize it's just the same shit we left behind. Tomorrow it's back to work and back to real life. I have to go get a blood test redone because when I got it done before I left the lab screwed up and the blood wasn't viable. So, it's right back into the baby making bullshit! I'm hoping this test will give me some real answers so I can move the fuck on! Maybe it seems like I don't really want a baby if I'm ready to throw in the towel, but I can't have my entire life revolve around this one thing that is NOT WORKING! We've been trying for almost 3 years now, I'm ready to concentrate on something else! It's time to get back to thinking about the rest of my life and what I want from it.
1. I want a CAREER. Something I can say with pride when people ask me what I do for a living.
2. I want to wear a bathing suit at any moment and not have to worry about my stomach or ass.
3. I want to have things to talk about with my husband other than fertility treatments or bills.
4. I want to have people over whenever and not worry about whether my house is a mess.
5. I want my house to actually look like we live in it, not like we just moved in. (We've lived here 7 years and I've hung 3 pictures in the living room) yeah.
I feel like this is a good list to concentrate on. On one positive note, I decided to stop biting my nails so they'd be nice for vacation and I've actually managed to stick with it! They're not super long, but they are longer than they have ever been. I got a gel manicure before we left and I'm obsessed now! I want to go back soon and get another one with designs. Haha. See...prettyyyy.
