I just got the results from my third IVF cycle yesterday, yet another NEGATIVE! I really am not in the best place right now. I have no idea how it can be so hard for some people and so easy for others and quite frankly, I'm pissed about it! This IVF cycle was with a new doctor and I really thought he could make it happen! He retrieved 12 eggs, 10 fertilized (which he said was really impressive), 9 kept growing and somehow I ended up with 2 "excellent blastocysts" on Day 5. Sadly, none of the others were good enough to freeze, but I was still hopeful those 2 "excellent blastocysts" would do the trick! I was told there was a 50% chance that they would result in one or 2 full term pregnancies and that that was about as good as it got! Nine days of Crinone, Estradiol, Estrogen patches and Progesterone shots later and I get a voicemail telling me I'm not pregnant and I can stop all my meds! Again. Honestly, I'm not sure how many more times I can go through this. It's trying on so many levels, emotional, physical, mental. Every month, I do all that is asked of me by the doctors and the nurses, I try to maintain a positive mind set which ultimately leads to me believing it worked and then being let down. AGAIN. How much is enough? How many times do I keep doing the same thing over and over before I realize it's not going to work?
I started this year at a fertility specialist, feeling like this was going to be my year. And now, this year is almost over and I am at exactly the same place I was when it started only with less money and less hope. I think I'll finish the year with one more IVF and then I'm done. If it doesn't work, I gave it my best shot. I gave it all I had.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Just a quick check in
I've been super busy with work and baby making fun, but I just wanted to check in! I just went through my second fresh egg retrieval. Twelve eggs, 10 fertilized, now I just wait to see how strong they grow! Hoping the third time's the charm! I love my new doctor and I'm really impressed with the fact that he had me on less meds., but managed to get me more eggs and not overstimulated! Pretty much love this guy! A July baby sounds pretty good to me right about now. I guess we shall see.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Three Year Anniversary!
Today marks 3 years married to my cutie husband! Tonight we went out for a delicious italian dinner in a town nearby. And now we're watching the debate. Romantic. Here are a few photos of our amazing wedding day by our lovely photographer Alyssa Maloof!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Round three?
Transfer two was a FAIL! I got that lovely phone call today. They tricked me because they called me super early so I thought it was good news finally. Nope. I cried. Then I got pissed. And now I have two appointments with two new fertility doctors. Plus, I'll be making an appointment for an osteopathic fertility specialist tomorrow! I feel like 10 months of my time and tears is enough. Time to see my other options! Two of the doctors are local and one is in NYC. I read about Dr. Braverman on A Blog About Love about a month ago. Of course, I really thought this last transfer would work and i wouldn't need this info. buuuttt, I was wrong! I requested a consult via his website this morning and he called me this afternoon! I mean, the doctor HIMSELF called me this afternoon! Not only was it a quick response but it was the actual doctor! I think my doctors have called me MAYBE twice in the last 10 months! Unfortunately, NYC is a bit away and I'm not even sure if they accept my insurance but I'll just see what happens. Right now I have an appointment with one of the local doctors Wednesday (thanks to whoever cancelled!) and an appointment with Dr. Braverman on October 30. I'm trying to stay calm and take things as they come. If I see the local doctor Wednesday and I like what he has to say and he wants to start me on an IVF cycle right away, I'll probably go for it. If not, I'll keep my appointment at the end of the month and look into other doctors as well. Don't want to waste any time!
In the meantime, it's back to the gym tomorrow (I took time off after the transfer to relax and hope for some good news) and some concentration on other things! Like visiting my brother in Oklahoma in a few weeks!
In the meantime, it's back to the gym tomorrow (I took time off after the transfer to relax and hope for some good news) and some concentration on other things! Like visiting my brother in Oklahoma in a few weeks!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
I'm back!
Ok, so it's been awhile. I've been busy thinking about blogging but not actually doing it, kinda the story of my life. Let's see, what's new with me?
1. I'm still not pregnant. But, I'm preparing for a FET (frozen embryo transfer) at the end of this month. I've been on Lupron shots for a few weeks and I just started Estrace and Estrogen patches today! (I should be a barrel of fun these next few weeks!) Transfer should be at the end of the month. I'm also going to try acupuncture this time around. My first appointment is in about a week. And I'm going to try meditation as well. I'm really trying to CALM myself down and think positively. I'm hoping this works because if not I'll be doing another retrieval and that was NOT FUN. I'd prefer to never have to do that again!
2. I'm back at the gym! Since I'm doing a FET and not a retrieval with stimulants I can still workout like normal. I started Jamie Eason's 30 day workout from Fitness RX at the beginning of the week. It was a great week! I'm lifting heavy and I'm planning to keep lifting heavy until someone tells me I can't anymore. I've also started tracking my food and I'm just generally trying to get back in shape and build some muscles.
3. My little brother left for Army National Guard boot camp at the beginning of August. I'm not happy about it, but respect his decision and I'm proud of him for not being afraid to do what he wants to do! I still miss him though. And it'd be nice if his Commander would update the FB page with some photos! Ha.
4. I'm toying with the idea of setting a goal to become a fitness model. It sounds ridiculous just typing it here! I just think even having that kind of goal would really help with my gym effort/eating. Believe me, I am in no shape to be a fitness model! But, I know that if I set the goal and got SERIOUS about my fitness and especially my food, I could be in an entirely different place in 6 months. Plus, fitness modeling doesn't require you to be 17 or 6', two things I am not! I think I'll keep the goal in the back of my head and see how the next month goes. Let's see how much fat I can burn and muscle I can build in 30 days.
On that note, I think it's time to do some cardio.
1. I'm still not pregnant. But, I'm preparing for a FET (frozen embryo transfer) at the end of this month. I've been on Lupron shots for a few weeks and I just started Estrace and Estrogen patches today! (I should be a barrel of fun these next few weeks!) Transfer should be at the end of the month. I'm also going to try acupuncture this time around. My first appointment is in about a week. And I'm going to try meditation as well. I'm really trying to CALM myself down and think positively. I'm hoping this works because if not I'll be doing another retrieval and that was NOT FUN. I'd prefer to never have to do that again!
2. I'm back at the gym! Since I'm doing a FET and not a retrieval with stimulants I can still workout like normal. I started Jamie Eason's 30 day workout from Fitness RX at the beginning of the week. It was a great week! I'm lifting heavy and I'm planning to keep lifting heavy until someone tells me I can't anymore. I've also started tracking my food and I'm just generally trying to get back in shape and build some muscles.
3. My little brother left for Army National Guard boot camp at the beginning of August. I'm not happy about it, but respect his decision and I'm proud of him for not being afraid to do what he wants to do! I still miss him though. And it'd be nice if his Commander would update the FB page with some photos! Ha.
4. I'm toying with the idea of setting a goal to become a fitness model. It sounds ridiculous just typing it here! I just think even having that kind of goal would really help with my gym effort/eating. Believe me, I am in no shape to be a fitness model! But, I know that if I set the goal and got SERIOUS about my fitness and especially my food, I could be in an entirely different place in 6 months. Plus, fitness modeling doesn't require you to be 17 or 6', two things I am not! I think I'll keep the goal in the back of my head and see how the next month goes. Let's see how much fat I can burn and muscle I can build in 30 days.
On that note, I think it's time to do some cardio.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I need a new scale...
But instead I bought a Nutribullet. I've been wanting a new blender for quite awhile (I haven't had one for at least a year and the immersion blender my mom bought me for Christmas, isn't so great with frozen fruit) and I just happen to see an infomercial for the Nutribullet and they sold me. Well kinda. They sold me on the product but not really on the price so instead I bought it from Bed, Bath and Beyond where it was $20 less plus a 20% coupon and a $50 gift card I got for my wedding shower like three years ago!
I haven't tried it yet (I will tomorrow morning), but I'm pretty excited to use it! Apparently, it even grinds nuts! I'm hoping it'll be a budget friendly replacement for the Vitamix I can't afford.
So, it's been awhile since I posted. Just sort of taking a break. Recovering from the disappointment of my first failed IVF cycle. I took a few weeks to just relax and now I'm getting back into the gym trying to lose some of the weight I gained from the hormones and lack of gym from the last 4.5 months. I did really well this week, even got in a few two a days. This week the plan is cardio in the morning before work then weights and maybe more cardio at night. I'm very motivated to lose this extra weight by mid-September. My next transfer will be around then and I want to be rid of this weight in case the transfer actually works. I want to be as healthy as possible which is why I invested in the Nutribullet, drinking my spinach in the morning's gotta do something! Ha.
