Writing

Recently, I've gotten this urge to really put my all into making writing my career.  It's always been my goal as a career, but it's also always been on the back burner of my life for the most part.  But, something shifted, and I've decided I'm only going to do things to move toward that goal.  I went to a writing workshop at my local library the other day and the author teaching the class was the same age as me and this really just made me feel like a loser, but it also made me realize I need to get it together and write.  It's like I'm trying to get someone to buy a painting I haven't painted yet, as my boss put it the other day.  And when you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous!
Today, I read this post on Orangette and it's exactly how I've felt through the years.  I don't have this urge to write all the time (probably that would change the more I wrote) so sometimes I wonder if I should just let it go and do something else with my life, but then I remember that when I am writing, I'm feeling the most challenged and happy.  When I went on my interview a few years ago for a freelance position at a paper (that is now defunct) it was the best interview I ever had because I was interested in what we were talking about and I knew what I was saying!  For the most part, I've always taken jobs to pay the bills and except for that freelance job, they've been boring and meaningless to me and quite honestly, they've made me feel crappy on a regular basis.  That's not how I'm looking to spend my life.  Which is why I'm now only taking steps towards the life I want.  That doesn't mean I can just quit my job tomorrow, but it does mean I can start laying the ground work to eventually write full-time and that's exactly what I'm doing!
Of course, there's quite a list of other things I'd like to be doing along with writing, but I'll get to that in another post!

30th Birthday

Tomorrow is my 30th Birthday and those cupcakes were sent to me from my friend Erin from Crumbs Bake Shop in NYC.  They were delicious!  My favorite was the Cosmo I think, with the pink cake and lime buttercream icing.  I wouldn't have thought that would be my favorite because I'm not a big fan of lime, but it was an unexpected combo and delicious!
Those cupcakes really brought my spirits up, because so far this birthday month has been crap.  But enough about the past, let's talk about the future.
I turn 30 tomorrow and I'm not really looking forward to it, but someone told me that 30 is the new 20, so let's hope that's true and I still have time to make something of my life.  I've had a few awful things happen in the last couple weeks that have made me reconsider what's important in life.  So let's talk about what is important.  Let's list it.
1.  Family- I have a great family and husband, but I want children of my own soon (asap people).
2.  Career- I want to spend my days doing something I love, with a flexible schedule and financial stability.
I don't really think either of these things is too much to ask.  I mean, not living essentially paycheck to paycheck would be nice.  Believe me, I realize it could be a whole lot worse, but I also realize it could be better.

So, let's talk about what I see in my 30s:
I'll be happily married (still) and a mother of two children (preferably a boy and girl, ha).  My days will involve taking care of my kids and running my own business.  My business will either be owning a cafe/bakery or writing books/magazine articles/blogging or maybe all of those things.  I like the idea of working on different projects and making a living.  Maybe I'll even be using my personal training certification to train a little and write for fitness magazines.  Or at least keep my ass small after those 2 kids!  Most of all, I do not want to be turning 40 and wishing I had done more in my 30s.  Time really does fly whether you're having fun or not, so here's to having fun and accomplishing things to be proud of in my 30s!

Reflection

I'm reading Stephen King's 'On Writing' for the second time and the part I'm at now he's talking about his time teaching english and how he so easily could have given up on writing then, 30 years would have gone by and when people asked him what he did in his spare time he'd always say he was working on a novel, but really he'd just be messing around with them every once in awhile.  I got so sad about this I started to cry, right at my desk in work, not blubbering tears, just silent ones, but tears nonetheless.  Why did I give up so easily?  I say it's because I needed a job, I needed to make money, but I shouldn't have let go so quickly.  I used to like to tell myself that I was better off, that I probably wasn't a good writer anyway, but I think that was just a way out.  I don't really believe that I'm no good, and I definitely believe that if I wrote everyday I'd get even better.  Even now, I wonder if it's too late.  I'm taking a writing class, but I've yet to get back to the way I was in high school, writing everyday, filling up marble notebooks.  I was always the one to say the key to life was not settling and then I did just that.  From now on though, it's got to be about not settling.  I mean, the truth is, I'm not exactly rolling in the dough now, so what can it hurt to start following my dream (again)?  I may never be Stephen King, but I can at least be happy with myself.  Now I just need like 3 more hours in the day!